The worst player in the world...ever!

IronAge_Man · Post by **IronAge_Man** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 1:37 am

I just finished two games with a human team, against my brother's Chaos Dwarfs, and I just had to bitch about the the most worthless, useless player to ever have stained a roster of mine.

He's a human catcher (unnamed, but I'm open to suggestions), and in two games against the aforementioned team, he has managed the following:

1) Game 1 - In a single turn I managed to go from dodging him into the endzone while carrying the ball, to chasing a ball deep in my own half of the field, lying at the feet of two Chaos Dwarfs and a Minotaur, with NO intervention from my opponent. He failed his dodge and the crowd threw the ball in TWICE (first time went off the side-lines straight from the end-zone, 'cause it scattered out of play)...

2) Game 2 - having been gifted a free run at the endzone by a Bull Centaur falling over (failed GFI) with the ball, he fluffs his own GFI and is once again left prone in the endzone while the crowd launch the ball upfield, resulting in another TD against me.

3) Game 2 2nd half - he fluffs another dodge (I used a TRR; he was dodging from a Chaos Dwarf) and gets badly hurt in an attempt to score a TD, despite some excellent work by my thrower to scoop up the ball from under the nose of a Bull Centaur and complete a quick pass. Fortunately, the thrower managed to retrieve the ball himself and scored.

4) Post-Game 2 - he claims the MVP award, despite having been the most useless player on the pitch, and having failed to score any TDs or collect any SPPs in his career thus far.

Does anyone else have tales of totally disastrous players?

lawquoter · Post by **lawquoter** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 2:24 am

Wow, I don't have anybody like that, but, well, my Orc thrower routinely muffs the pick up attempt and this is even with sure hands.

Vesticle · Post by **Vesticle** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 2:31 am

Elves. All of them.

David

TiMuN · Post by **TiMuN** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 8:14 am

Hobbos. All of them.

Andy 'Butterfingers' Trankazotsky

Pantera · Post by **Pantera** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 8:42 am

Funny story

He maybe is a pay-player. A rich kid who thinks the sport is cool and gets into a team because of sponsor money for the owners.

I think you should keep him, and name him "Jinx".

Worst thing that happened to me recently was a game against a Human team. I play Skaven in that league. Anyway, it was the worst game I have ever played. I didn't succeed with ANYTHING I tried. I fell on GFI's, I missed picking up the ball several times, I missed all my passes, my Rat Ogre rolled skulls two times at blitz falling and causing a instant turnover, also causing the other player to score easily. After the game I got NO SPP's at all. He won easily of course.

When I came home after a long trip, I threw the dice in the Södertälje Channel. So now they sleep with the fishes...

christer · Post by **christer** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 8:53 am

After the game I got NO SPP's at all.

Yeah, I've had a couple of those games.. (or well.. I did get the MVP

).
My worst game ever was one of these. Not only did I fail virtually everything but I played a total newbie who did way too many tactical mistakes for the amount of time he took to think... The game took SIX HOURS!!! And as I'm sure you all know, the games where you fail everything aren't really too happy times I were pretty annoyed at this guy for carefully thinking over stuff like "should I put this guy here? Or maybe in this square?" for a player which had no relevance at all as he was about to score a TD on the same turn...

-- Christer

Post by **DoubleSkulls** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 9:39 am

Its a poor coach who blames his players ...

Nagash · Post by **Nagash** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 10:48 am

well - MY most useless player has to be my Apothecary.... I always save my Apot should any of my players be killed..... Still in spite of me accepting all serious injuries, he has managed to fail all rolls so far (3!!!!!!) where he had the opportunity to save my beloved woodies....

... thats 3 dead in 11 matches.... not good for a wood elf team.....

grrrrr - what should I do?! kill him?!

Nagash

sean newboy · Post by **sean newboy** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 1:55 pm

grrrrr - what should I do?! kill him?!

Rent him to the opposition.

Acerak · Post by **Acerak** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 5:43 pm

You should have named the player first. Nameless players figure they're also faceless, so they can shirk their on-pitch duties and hide behind their anonymity.

Your catcher sounds rather depressing, however. I'll have to check my log for Hypsipple Swivelspear, however. She just picked up her third completion...in Game Five. She may be the first Amazon Thrower with more failed dodges than successful completions!

-Chet

P.S. Ghouls always roll 2-reroll-2 when it counts, too.

Vesticle · Post by **Vesticle** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 9:19 pm

New game, High Elves I'm using...

My lineman fails a 2-dice block on the... second, I think, action I make in the game (after standing players up that is). I hate to burn a re-roll that early in a game (I have 2 at least...), but I hate worse to basically skip my first turn in such bad position... so I bite the bullet. He fails the reroll too.

Second turn, first or second action, I forget which... fails another 2-dice block. Out of re-rolls already, with 6 turns left in the first half. His re-roll comes up 2 pushbacks.

Just now: Elf goes to pick up a ball on the ground. Failure, the ball is lying in my opponent's end-zone, with just that one player back, and 2 guys ready to scoop it up for the easy score.

As a side note, in 40k I use Imperial Guard. My best friend who got me into it, plays Blood Angels, our good friend uses Eldar. So far his Eldar have decisively lost all 5 battles against my Imperial Guard. Partially because the player isn't as experienced, but mostly because his Eldar just keep failing over and over in the clutch...

I've never seen a more jinxed lot of creatures.

David

Vesticle · Post by **Vesticle** » Tue Jul 30, 2002 8:41 pm

Current game: continued failured. It's gotten so bad, combined with me being such a geek, that I actually crunched some numbers on how badly my elves are performing below expected...

In one of my current games, I've made 18 blocks. All of them have been 2-dice blocks in my favor, and none of my players have block (I was experimenting with different teams, I'll probably make sure to take a couple dragon warriors from now on).

The results: 3 Pushbacks, 8 have knocked the opponent over cleanly, 5 have caused a turnover.

All the other rolls: 1 failed GFI on armor 7, without an assist. 2 successful GFI rolls, 1 failed pickup roll in the pouring rain (3+), 1 failed dodge roll (2+).

Total cause of turnover: 8/21, or 38.1%. Mathematical average expected: 3.03/21 or 14.4%

Not only have they more than doubled their failure rate, but the high number of turnovers have prevented them from taking any more attempts, and thus, makes it even harder for the odds to even out.

Galak, are there any other teams you need in the league, other than elves?

David

Bob-the-Fish · Post by **Bob-the-Fish** » Thu Aug 01, 2002 8:35 pm

Hobbos. All of them.

Yes, I'll say my hobbos have failed more 3+ rolls with rerolls than I can count but my Mino has the worst possible string of events I've ever seen.
In one game:
Turn 1: 2 dice block and he gets a block-skull and a skull. I can't reroll it cause he's an ally so down he goes for a turnover on my 1st action of the game.
Turn 3: After standing up last turn he tries again. Same result and another turnover.
Turn 5: Repeat step 3.
Turn 7: Repeat step 3.

That was by far the worst thing that has ever happend to any of my teams and the only way I stopped my opponent from scoring that half was because I had the ball to start with and just hid it in the corner. Thankfully, this string of events did not continue in the 2nd half and I still managed to win 1-0. My Mino has not had much luck in the rest of his career though. He got SI and has AV7 now. The only reason I keep him around is because he got an MVP and if he ver gets another point he can at least get 1 skill.

Vesticle · Post by **Vesticle** » Thu Aug 01, 2002 9:44 pm

I got $10 that says he'll fail his aging roll.

David

Dragoonkin · Post by **Dragoonkin** » Fri Aug 02, 2002 5:12 am

My 18-SPP Catcher with Diving Catch / Leap who died doing a Leap out of a Dwarf's Tackle Zone. First death on my team in 13 games and it's self-inflicted. Mutter...