Talk Fantasy Football

Disclaimer: this is BB-related apolitical discussion that explicitly references American politics in an explicitly nonpartisan manner. I know it's touchy on principle, so please play nice. I want to seem very non-partisan in doing this: my coaches have their own views that must be respected, and so do the coaches on this site. If the TBB trolls have a problem despite all these clearly-posted advisories, well, they'll take it down and I hope that to be the end of that. Kosher?

I want to make a pair of BB teams based on the Ds and Rs of the USA. They'll both be Human teams as a base, as I don't want to provide any kind of moral statement, and in BB physiology is destiny in both fantasy and football senses, and I want to keep that out. I want to avoid anything derogatory, though a few light jabs are ok if they cancel each other out and if they follow conventional memes applied to the fellows in question. It's not a coed team and I'm staying true to the models, so as much as I want to include Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin (and Diane Feinstein, and Liddy Dole), I won't. I don't mind mixing the famous flops in with the big successes, but I want to do it relatively evenly on both sides.

So...

1) Funny? Did you chuckle at least once? Did you "chuckle on the inside" at least twice?
2) Even-handed? If anyone's offended in the least, I screwed up, so let me know.
3) Can you think of any funnier options that are also even handed?

The Demver Donkos vs. the GeeyoPay Packer-derms

Ogres (1 ea):
D: Big Frank
R: Rough-Ridin' Teddy

Blitzers (4 ea):
D: Ba-Rock, Two-Time Grover, General Jackson, Smilin' Jack.
R: St. Ronnie, Johnny Maverick*, Ike, Fightin' Sam Grant.

Throwers (2 ea):
D: Woody the Wading Warhorse, Harry the Bomber.
R: Honest Abe, George II.

Catchers (3 ea):
D: Slick Willy, Reedy Harry, Joe the Senator
R: Tricky Dick, Rudy Nueve-Once, "Mitts" Romney

Linos (6 ea):
D: Jimmy Carter, Adlai Stevenson, Al Gore, Li'l Mikey, Elby Jay, Li'l Bro Ted.
R: Dubya**, Ahnold, Mitchie Mac***, Jerry Ford (at Center, of course), Nelson Rocky-Feller, Deadeye Dick.

* An alternative to Johnny Maverick is Johnny Mac "the Knife." If I do that, I'll number him 52 in a shout-out to Ray Lewis.

** In my mind, there's no canceling Dubya nohow, but most conservatives I know would think Jimmy Carter a fair trade, so I think that's cool (I'm resisting temptation to call him George III; I think calling his father George II is as close to a Dubya dig as I feel comfortable making, as nobody'll get it if I don't point it out -- and even then, we're all Yanks, so it might still roll off the nose).

*** I need something else if Mitch McConnell loses. Roy Blunt? I don't think he's important enough anymore. Arlen Specter? Might be able to have some fun. I could go for Dan Quayle... I don't know if he's fair game. I could do that and trade Adlai out for Fritz Mondale on the D-side: both were big-chair losers, but Adlai lost with grace and Mondale bombed badly. Also, both Mondale and Quayle were one-term VPs. Or I could keep McConnell and stick Daschle into the mix on the Donkos in place of Li'l Bro Ted. My problem here is that many of the best-known Republican Senators, like Ted Stevens, Trent Lott and Jesse Helms, are out of favor around here and will be thought of as digs. Frist? Newt? Newt? Maybe Newt.

I know which Teddy you meant as the R:Ogre, but there is another Teddy fresh from the news that you should consider instead: Alaska's "Uncle Ted", who adopted as his personal mascot the Incredible Hulk. Just name him Uncle Ted, convert him with fur trim, and paint his skin "Hulk Green".

Ted Stevens. Do it. I'm an Alaskan, supported him for years (but no longer), would see it as a dig, and get a big laugh out of it.

Come to think of it, I'm planning a repaint of my own 2ed Human team right now. . .

Yeah, I want to avoid non-Presidents who went down in scandal, esp. since recently they've mostly come from the same party (a few exceptions, yeah). Presidents are fair game. I'd probably include Tom DeLay before "Tubes" Ted Stevens, though.

For a D: Lineman, Staggering Teddy K. or Teddy "the Boozer" K.

Cant say I find it funny but I dont think its really offensive. You're being far too even handed for either

Yeah, I was afraid it was a tad milquetoast. I like "Rudy Nueve Once"... but overall, I'm a bit more concerned about putting people off (some gamers are Repubs, and California Repubs are a bit touchy these days) than being less-than funny.

I could be more contemporary, using officials and statesmen of today rather than dead presidents. If I do that, it'll be more topical at least. I like "Staggerin' Ted" either way. I think that's kind of funny, and I'm a fan of his. Maybe a Chappaquiddick reference would free me up to get a little pokier on the other side....

Just do one team, not two. Its all one political party anyways, just two sub-branches of it that try to pretend they're different when they're not. Thats the Libertarian in me speaking, of course. So just one team, not two, and take your shots across the board.

Don't forget to include Cheerleaders and Assistant Coaches.

For the love of Nuffle, "Pit Bull Sarah" has to be a Cheerleader and "Karl Rover" one of your Assistant Coaches.

Really not offensive, but not especially funny either, but being a Brit, I probably just don't get the jokes.

Now, if you were to call G Dubya what Russell Brand did...

Here's the variant I think would be funny. Sort of equal opportunity taking pot shots and more reliant on current events than knowledge of world history:

Ogre:
(R) Ahnold Olympia

Blitzers:
(D) Ba-Rock Bomber (Runningback)
(R?) Long Shot Rudy (Muddle Linebacker)
(L) Ronpaul The Barbarian (Far-Out Sideline-backer)
(G) Green Ralph (Free "as in air" Safety)

Throwers:
(D) Jimminy Peanut (Offensive Thrower)
(R) "Big George" Senior (Defensive Thrower)

Catchers:
(R) "Mitts" Romney (who names their kid after baseball equipment anyways?)
(D) Slick Willy (obviously has Dodge skill)
(D?) Krazy Dennis (ST2 and all over the place)
(R) Tricky Dick (who had some moves on him)

Linos:
(R) Johnny Maverick (he moves too slow to be a Blitzer)
(R) "Tubes" Stevens (ditto)
(R) "Little George" Junior
(D) Teddy Boozer

Kicker:
(R) Ronnie "The Gipper"

Cheerleaders:
(R) Pit Bull Sarah
(D) Billary

Assistant Coaches:
(R) Carl Rover

Some of the selections are, to me, obvious and others are oblique jabs or references. I'd nominate Carter for the Offensive Thrower for his one big offensive long-bomb action, which truly bombed long. Reagan shouldn't be left off the list, but his "Gipper" nickname was for a movie about a real football player who was primarily a punter, thus assigning him the slot as Kicker. Unfortunately this makes for a 17man lineup, so I trimmed out some other favorites I had for Linemen (including Joe the Plumber) to get back to 16 (Gipper could be listed as QB/Thrower but I think the better historical reference is as Kicker).

Wouldn't you have to put Dick Cheney in there as a thrower?

I mean he always manages to hit his mates.

Dan Quayle as a fouler? Putting his boot into other people's heads instead of his own mouth?

I kinda prefer the two team method myself.

It's a little more comical to see the players going at it tooth and nail vs each other than some other band of fellows.


And finally chaney gets his hands on Gore and what a mess !!!!

Some of the political puns are better done on a non-human team. In my opinion.

Cheney as a Werewolf, making a double-pun off of Lon Chaney Jr and the oldschool 2ed Werewolf Star Player. As long as he has Frenzy, or a Chainsaw, he's Cheney. Or Bombardier. Hmm...

Quayle as a Chainsaw Looney in a Gobbo team. It fits so well. Dennis K would make a great Fanatic, and Ronpaul as a Pogoer. I see more room for political humor on a gobbo team, since its a goofball team in the first place.

Gore as a Flesh Golem. Or maybe a Treeman. Yes, definately Algore Greenstar the Treeman. On a 'fling team, no doubt. You'd have to model him with his Nobel Peace Prize neckgear for sure.

Gobbo fun:
Shotgun Cheney = Bombardier
Ronpaul = Pogoer
Krazy Denny = Fanatic
Dannye Quaile = Looney

What about a "Joe the Lineman"

ROFL! I love it, Cookie!

In redoing my 2ed Human team, they do need names. I wonder if I could come up with a whole team of "Joe" names.