Flame Bowl III Smack Talk

[Hangus]

More than your hatred for Stick?

[stick_with_poo_on_the_end]

No, that knows no limit !!

[Purplegoo]

I was going to say - let's not go over the top.

[Ironjaw]

No, that knows no limit !!

We're due to play again you c***.

[Pipey]

Actually I really enjoyed Phil’s predictions. Very flattering for you to name us as favourites. I’m sure there’s more than a little kidology at work though!

Introducing the GBBL…



Name:Stick
Denomination: Gazza’s Tears
AKA: Captain Stick, Stick of Dynamite, Stick in the Mud, It’s a Stickup!
Geordieness coefficient: 13.263 (Erstwhile denizen of the county town of Leicestershire, Stick now lives and works in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, has a Geordie bairn and is reputed to be a season ticket holder with the Toon)

Grit: 9.5
Flair: 9.5
Nous: 9.5
X-factor: 9.5
Special Powers: Pouring Sweat, Very Lazy, Master Sommelier

His leadership qualities were plain to see from an early age when, as a baby, he delegated the task of wiping his bottom to his mother. From that moment on, he was destined to be a Flamebowl-winning captain. Unquestionably, Stick is THE form horse at the moment in the UK. Rivals will be waiting for the bubble to burst, but Stick has other ideas: at a recent GBBL press conference he pledged not to burst like a bubble but instead to go off in Joemanji’s face like a spunky firework!!



Name: The Don
Denomination: Gazza’s Tears
AKA: Sir Donald Vito, Laptop, Captain Caveman
Geordiness coefficient: 14.1 (David married a Geordie in 2007, has lived in Newcastle for years and is also godfather to Jimmy Nail’s eldest pet cockatoo)

Grit: 8
Flair: 10
Nous: 9
X-factor: 9
Special Powers: Animal Husbandry, Bad Breath, Ambidextrous

Raised by Silverback Gorillas in the forests of central Africa and brought to Newcastle as an adolescent, the Don has a natural affinity with the animal kingdom. In fact Impact’s Southlands baboons were modelled on him. A mighty champion who has not just played all 24 teams in tournaments, but has used all 113 player positions. Get a load of that, sports fans!



Name: Stan
Denomination: Gazza’s Tears
AKA: Winkle_Picka, Nick Tyldesley, Hurricane Stan, Afghani-Stan
Geordiness coefficient: 17.75 (despite his egregious footwear and dress sense, Stan is a bona fide Geordie. He was born at Hexham General Hospital, Northumberland. He also has shares in Gregg’s bakery.)

Grit: 8
Flair: 9
Nous: 8
X-factor: 10
Special Powers: Beekeeping, Excessive Spontaneity

The Gok Wan of Blood Bowl, Stanley takes great pride in his appearance. The vaulted instep and trademark pointed apex of his handmade Sicilian brogues have turned many a head at many a Blood Bowl tournament. From Cuban Heels to Corsican Wedges, Stan’s array of footwear alone is enough to blow all other contenders to the title of ‘Best Dressed Man In BB’ out of the water!



Name: Pippy
AKA: The Ent, Rapdog, LJC, Jonty
Denomination: Gazza’s Tears
Geordiness coefficient: 11.444 (Employed in Sunderland, resident of South Shields and a Monkeyhanger by birth, some would define him as a Mackem. However with 7 long GBBL seasons under his belt, he is proud to call himself a Blood Bowling Geordie!)

Grit: 10
Flair: 4.5
Nous: 9.5
X-factor: 9
Special Powers: Extreme Height, Extreme Gluttony, Oblong Head

One half of the most gifted Blood Bowling family ever to hail from the East Durham industrial town of Hartlepool, Pippy will be determined to help add more silverware to the already bulging GBBL trophy cabinet. Arguably his biggest challenge will be in beating off the advances of his Booty Batterers!



Name: Schmee
Denomination: Local Hero
AKA: Shmike, Mycroft
Geordiness co-efficient: 8.833 (A Hartlepudlian by birth and Cantabrigiensian by residence, he is an adopted GBBL League member)

Grit: 6
Flair: 9.5
Nous: 8
X-factor: 10.89
Special Powers: Caustic Wit, Idiot Savant, Defender of the Faith, Polymath

Schmee’s previous team tournament experiences were for the Northern Monkeys in 2007 at the NAFWC and for Team Parmo at the inaugural Flame Bowl. Rumour has it he will be handing out screenplays of the 1983 film Local Hero to his team mates as dice rolling mats. Between games 2 and 3 Schmee will be drybrushing the chosen gobbo’s earlobes for charity!



Name: Jeeves
Denomination: Local Hero
AKA: Jeevesie, The Jeevesmeister, Captain Jeeves, Arkala
Geordiness co-efficient: 18.4 (ironically, despite his accent Rob will be the only GBBL member at Flame Bowl who was actually born in Newcastle)

Grit: 9
Flair: 7
Nous: 10
X-factor: 9
Special Powers: Non-recreational tromboning, mathematics, bushcraft

Factoid: Jeeves’ doppelganger Peter Capaldi (pictured) starred in the film Local Hero. Is it a coincidence that he chose this name for his team? Are rumours of a dangerous obsession substantiated? Can he harness these manic thoughts to bring glory to his GBBL brethren? Of course he can!



Name: Daz
Denomination: Local Hero
AKA: Zedsdead, Robocop
Geordiness coefficient: 0

Grit: 9.5
Flair: 9
Nous: 7
X-factor: 9
Special Powers: Wreath-making, Shouting, Parmo Connoisseur

UKIP-voting Boro man Daz was once mistaken for an illegal immigrant in Redcar, Cleveland. Despite his swarthy hue, he is in fact a thoroughbred smoggy and would also like to make it clear that he is not under ANY circumstances a Geordie! The GBBL have had to pay him in parmos in order to secure his services.



Name: Hangus
Denomination: Local Hero
AKA: Big Ben
Geordiness co-efficient: 7

Grit: 9
Flair: 9
Nous: 9.5
X-factor: 9
Special Powers: Supermascot, Single Facial Expression

Recently re-elected as the leader of Hartlepool Borough Council, Ben has been putting his six figure mayoral salary to good use – funding a new set of dazzling GBBL darts shirts. One of two Eurobowl Champions within the GBBL ranks, his team mates are expecting Big things from Big Ben. Did you know… once a week, Ben has tea with professional Hartlepudlian Geoff Stelling in the Sky Sports canteen!

[Joemanji]

What a great use of my tax dollars!

[Pipey]

Actually it was written a little bit at a time over a few days... in my spare time no less!

[Purplegoo]

Great stuff, Pip.

[Pipey]

Newsflash. All GBBL members are going to rebase all their models on square bases.

[Ironjaw]

Newsflash. All GBBL members are going to rebase all their models on square bases.

To match Pippy's jaw...

[Wightlord]

In a secret underground bunker in Warrington Team Pippy's Booty Batterers II are in a frenzy of preperation...a bloodbowl board may even have been sighted but is of course secondary to the main aim.

Shaniepoo is being given a "back, sack and crack" wax whilst testing the tensile strength of his fishnets for the "Pippy Dance"...

BIG PETE is being force fed viagra while staring constantly at an image (Obtained through Bum Monkey ) of a certain Hartlepulian Bloodbowler in only his underpants having a homo erotic pillow fight with his brother...

Chosen Gobbo is utilising his contacts with a well known supermarket to acquire vast amounts of cheaply purchased "nutty butter"....

Wightlord is quietly confident that this year his team will boldly go where they havn't quite managed to go before...

Yes! 7th Place PGOO's 9th place prediction is off the mark and anyone thinking that the heady heights of lower mid-table mediocrity are secure for them can think again!!

[Pipey]

Bring on the batter!

This lot will finish 11th but Sidney will take the individual prize again!

[Wightlord]

11th! Slander

Although it is true that whatever happens we will finish "behind" Pippy...

[Leipziger]

I'm going to have a cheeky bet on Behindu making an impact on the race for the individual prize. Good player & with Team Mox not as likely to be in the top tables, he may get an easier run of opponents on the Sunday.

[WilburS]

I'm going to have a cheeky bet on Behindu making an impact on the race for the individual prize. Good player & with Team Mox not as likely to be in the top tables, he may get an easier run of opponents on the Sunday.

Rude