Hafnem Goblintrotters

[MacHurto]

Well, I was thinking of opening a wordpress to keep these together, and then realised TFF could do the trick

Match 1 Hafnem Goblintrotters vs Karak Kadrin Slayers (dwarfs)

Stadium: Swampdome, owned by the Lowdown Rats. 17000 fans.

Results...
TD 1-0
CAS 1-4 (all BH)

Match Report:

Thanks to his contacts as ex-commisioner, J. Bloatter managed to get a spot to play at the Swampdome, the home stadium of the Lowdown Rats. The fact that nobody ever wants to play there certainly helped too. As the two teams entered the unstable pitch made of logs bundled together over a swamp, they were greeted by 17000 fans, the referee and a crocodile that proceeded to eat the referee, to the enjoyment of the fans. The Goblintrotter's captain Toll the Troll (purchased from the Hafnia Cup champions, the Magritta Marauders) then decided to eat the coin so it was decided to have the goblins kick first.
As the ball surged the air, the whole left side of the stands collapsed under the fans' weight, to the enjoyment of the crocodiles. As a result, the whole sideline broke, drowning blitzer Gurum Greenaxe (*) and making one side of the pitch unplayable. The match then proceeded to the usual dwarven blocking and takling frenzy and the goblin bodies started piling up in the dug-ou to the enjoyment of the (remaining) fans. The Slayers tried to score a quick touchdown with a running play but several goblins (some of them even in the roster) piled up on the runner and stole the ball. From there, to have Gorgy the Doom Diver thrown to the end zone for the first Goblintrotter touchdown in history, it was as easy as Gorgy running half the pitch, shrieking, while being pursued by several blood-thirsty dwarves and some Goblintrotter fans that wanted to make sure their team lost.
The second half looked even better for the goblins, as most dwarves collapsed at half time (huge metal armours and 47 degrees are not a good match). However, the Goblintrotters masterfully managed to flop their plays and only 4 goblins ended the match. The Slayers, feverish under the sun and being pestered by a swarm of mosquitos, flies and other half-time snacks, forgot about the ball and concentrated on maiming the goblin players. The match ended when some unknown beast full of tentacles intercepted the ball and dissapeared under the water with it, leaving the final score at 1-0 to the Goblintrotters!

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(*) Rock, KO

Goblintrotters Statistics:

TD 1 (Gorgy the Doomed diver)
CAS+ 1 (Int-Ern-Et the Troll)
CAS- 4 (Skoz, falling on his chainsaw. Snangak, Gnaglo and Taz being punched (repeatedly) on the face)
MVP Toll the Troll. The ex Marauder player did what made him famous in his old team. Stand around picking his nose, being oblivious to the game. Fans love him!

Stadium: Ankle deep water (-1 Armor rolls when failing GFI/Dodge. 2+ to recover from Stunned). Not game breaking.
Weather: Sweltering Heat (2+ to stay after each drive)
--> With those two results, we were clearly playing in a swamp
Cards: We took Benefits of training and they proved to be useless for both teams

[MacHurto]

Match 2: Hafnem Goblintrotters vs Taklezone Chargers

Stadium: The Dwarf Dome, owned by the Dwarf Warhamerers. 17000 fans.

Results
TD 2-1
Cas 2-3
Kills 1-0

"... And that was the end of the match! 4-1 to the Magritta Royals! Unbelievable, Bob!"

"That was a great final, Jim. The High elves totally crushed the Old Hag Hustlers(*)! But, I gotta say, the exhibition match before the final was also spectacular!"

"That's correct, Bob. The Hafnem Goblintrotters played an up and coming orc team, the Taklezone Chargers at the Dwarf Dome, before the real match started. The hard obsidian pitch should have been a problem for the goblins, Bob, but the gloomy lights made it difficult for the orcs to takle them!"

"Also, the Warhammerer officials kept letting goblins with weapons into the field, Jim!"

"Well, Bob, there is only one thing the dwarfs hate more than goblins and that is a match without illegal weapons! Match started with Toll the Troll eating the coin..."

"He has the current record of most coins eaten in a game!"

"... correct, Bob. This time, however, he also decided to bite the arm off the orc player holding the coin!"

"Not a good choice, Jim."

"Yes, that's not very sportif, is it?"

"What do I know? I meant orc meat is difficult to digest"

"Right, Bob. Anyway, the Chargers (or the player, for that matter) did not manage to recover from that and the first half ended with another flight to the end zone for a 1-0 lead to the Goblintrotters!"

"It didn't improve for the Chargers after half time, as the fans rioted over the lack of proper lighting"

"Who can blame them, Bob? You pay to *see*goblins get maimed and killed, not just hear it!"

"While things calmed down, the goblins sneaked out to the Chargers end zone and scored again as soon as the lights when back on! Even a late score by a blitzer wasn't enough to avoid the goblin victory

"Didn't he dedicate the TD to someone?"

"Yes, Jim. His deceased mum.(**)

"Mum? Don't orcs reproduce by spores?"

"That's racist, Jim."

"Right. Anyway, gotta give it to the Gobletrotters, Bob. We hadn't had a goblin team win two matches in a row since the Gobbo Pogos won a trophy only played by themselves!"

"True, Jim, this nonsense needs to stop soon. There are rumors one of the favorites this season, the Deathmare Broncos have challenged the Goblintrotters to, and I quote "put those nasty, meddling little pieces of s*** where they belong. 6 feet under"."

"We can only hope, Bob. We can only hope..."
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(*) Real Madrid - Juventus CL final 2017
(**) Iron Man card.

Hafnem Goblintrotters statistics:
TD: Doom Diver and pogo
Cas+:Toll the troll, chainsaw
Cas-: same goblins as the first match! grin emoticon:-D clearly LoS players from now on.
MVP: Toll the troll. This coin eating thing is becoming viral!
Stadium: Dwarf weather table + poorly built dungeons (5+ for ejected players to come back). Clearly the Warhammers stadium smile emoticon:-)
Cards: We took Miscelaneous Mayhem and they weren't critical.

[MacHurto]

Match 3: Hafnem Goblintrotters vs Deathmare Broncos

Stadium: Ghoulmart Field, owned by the Bruendar Grimjacks. 20000 fans

Results:
TD 2-1
CAS 2-2

This report has been brought to you by Ghoulmart, the biggest retail shop for dead bodies. Remember! Purchase your next undead army in Ghoulmart... Always low prices!

Match Report

The latest Spike! Magazine coverage of the Goblintrotters (even featuring a naked Skoz the Looney in Page 3) got the infamous goblin star Dribblesnot to join their side. "The team iz booming. Zpike! waz bang on. It iz gonna be a blazt!" he confided to reporters.

Match started with the traditional toss and swallowing of the coin by Toll the Troll; this time around, though, the coin got stuck in his throat. Fortunately Sharpenails, the Bronco's killer golem, managed to extract the coin and Toll's windpipe with it allowing the match to continue. Near the end of the half, the Broncos made a push for the endzone and Sharpenails scored the 1-0 touchdown in a running play led by a zombie, in what has later been described as "the most unlikely TD scored by an undead team, since Ratmut III threw the ball inside an skeleton's skull for the 2467 Chaos Cup final win".

The half time show was abruptly interrupted by a huge explosion inside the Broncos' dugouts that resulted in the team's ghouls out of the match (and the stadium), both werewolves slowly regenerating, and the whole Goblintrotter team being expelled from the match for terrorism. After lots of heated arguments, large amounts of cash and Dribblesnot threatening to blow up the referee, the team was allowed back in the second half if, and we quote, "that pyromanic psycopath is gone". The star player left to the stands after a long standing ovation from the fans.

The Broncos were shaken by all this cheating and the second half saw the unexpected. An early equaliser by Gorgy the Doomed Diver and a great charge led by a recovered Toll the Troll, got the Goblintrotters winning 2-1. The come-back was almost thwarted by Favcece the goblin, whose despicable past as a charity organizer (*) had been uncovered by the Broncos, and was secretly playing for them. He takled the ball carrier just before the touchdown, punching him to the floor. Fortunately, being the incompetent git that he is, Favcece tripped on the fallen body and tumbled over the line with the ball stuck in one of his spikes, causing an explosion of joy from the Goblintrotter fans. Quite literally, in fact, as the bomber star player had rigged the stands and detonated them at that moment, bringing the match to an end.

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(*) Blackmail card. A goblin being good seems something he can be blackmailed about.

Goblintrotters Statistics:
TD 2 (Gorgy the Doomed diver, Favcece the goblin)
CAS+ 2 (Int-Ern-Et the Troll, Crirk the pogo)
CAS- 2 (Toll and Gnaglo the goblin)
MVP Toll the Troll who gets ST6!

Stadium: Normal. in the first half
Weather: Pouring rain (-1 pick up/hand off/catch)
Cards: Out of 4 cards, only Blackmail was useful.

[MacHurto]

Match 4: Hafnem Goblintrotters vs Amagerzons
Stadium: Dwarveken Dome, owned by the World's Edge Wanderers. 16000 fans.

Results
TD 0-3
CAS 1-3

Match report sponsored by Dwarveken: "Kill Green. Drink... Dwarveken"

Match Report:
"A bad omen loomed over the Goblintrotters when NAF rules comitee banned coin swallowing the day before their fixture against the Amagerzons. NAF accepting daggers (*) as "feminine wear" and appointing dwarf referee Jork "No bribes" Jorkesson for the match did not improve their chances. As a result, the goblins were completely overpowered by the scantily clad and heavily armed women. First half showed a beautifully choreographed chain of blunders from the Gobblintrotters, ending with the referee losing patience and sending off Skorz the Looney after what he called "the most pathetic foul I have witnessed in 73 years as a referee". Goblins started piling up in the infirmary due to the highly controversial "takle the balls" tactics from the amazon team. Unfortunately for the goblins, willingly giving the ball to the warrior women and begging for mercy did not stop those particularly nasty takles and also resulted in an end of half TD. The second half went even worse for the poor little fellows as the half time snacks never arrived. The amazons scored two more TD practically unimpeded, only having to occasionally give way to a bunch of goblins running for their life with Toll the troll following closely, trying to eat them. Under accusations of corruption, J. Bloatter, owner of the Goblintrotters denied any involvement in his team's demise: "Look, I am not the only one who wanted them to lose" he said while sharing his betting winnings with the NAF Rule Comitee officials "You cannot prove anything".

(*) Hidden blade card

Goblintrotters Statistics:
CAS+ 1 (Skoz the Looney)
CAS- 3 (Skrenkzer, Snangak, Sneskork. All three badly hurt by snu-snu)
MVP Crirk the Pogo. The price he got was, actually, LUP (Less useless player).

Stadium: Bori... I mean normal. Dwarf pitch.
Weather: Normal

Cards: We took dirty tricks. Both were cool and not game breaking.

[MacHurto]

Hafnem Goblintrotters vs Taklezone Chargers
Stadium: Skull Stadium, owned by the Orcland Raiders. 19000 fans.

Results
TD 0-2
CAS 2-6

Match Report:

Communication skills have never been a goblin's forte. In retrospective, the revenge match against the Taklezone Chargers would probably have ended differently if, when bribing Bob "Sleazy" Foreman before the match, Taz the goblin had not told him to "do what he is not supposed to". The human, winner of last year's Most Corrupt Referee award, understood he was being bribed to uphold the rules of the game and proceeded to penalise every foul and illegal weapon he could find throughout the match. Also, after a bomb destroyed the orc's cage just before it reached the end zone, instructing Toll the Troll to "punch the troll in the face", without specifying *which* troll, was a mistake. Toll, a firm believer of minimum effort given the time he spends standing around doing nothing in each match, realised (in a moment of clarity) that the closest troll face to punch was his own (*), knocking himself unconscious and letting the Chargers star blitzer, Ougha Arm-Chewer, open to score.

The second half saw a very fast paced game. At least, it did for the Goblintrotter's apothecary, who had to constantly bring goblin after goblin to the infirmary. The match ended with a late TD by MVP Aaron Rock Thrower, the new captain of the Taklers, which in his first match has led the team to their first victory!

Red with rage, the president and sole member of the unofficial Fan Club, the Goblintrotter Casual, commented after the game "Paffetik gits. Zomeone shud show'em ´ow ta play" ...In a shocking turn of events, he has been hired for the team despite his repeated complains that it was not what he meant!

(*) Triple skull roll in turn 8!

Goblintrotters Statistics:
CAS+ 2 (Skoz the Looney. I love my chainsaw)
CAS- 6 (Crirk, Skoz, Skrenzer, Sneskork and Smavluc were injured. Taz, after being injured in every game, became the first goblintrotter to die.
MVP Int-Ernet. It was a difficult choice to award the MVP in this game. The bomber really deserved it but everyone hates that smug bastard. The troll, on the other hand, is useless but huggable.

Stadium: Apathetic Officials (+1 Bribe each half). Orc mud pitch. Extra bribes sounds great for a cheating team like the Orcland Raiders so there we go

Weather: Normal

Cards: We took Random Events but kick-off rolls did not help the cards to shine.

[MacHurto]

Match 6: Hafnem Goblintrotters vs Amagerzons
Stadium: Middleheim Arena, owned by the city of Middleheim. 23000 fans.

Results
TD 2-2
CAS 1-2

"Wow, what a comeback, Jim!"

"True Bob, nobody expected this after a first half where the goblins fumbled their attack, misfired all their weapons, got half of their team expelled before half time and ended up one touchdown down."

"Yeah, it seemed like the game was going its usual way for the Trotters, Jim. Even their coach, Ex-NAF commissioner Joseph Bloatter, bribed the referee so he could be sent off as well to avoid watching the second half."

"Well, Bob, as Ochaita, the Goblintrotters' Ooligan, said before leaving the match at half time: "When dey go 'igh, we go low". Not sure if he meant in numbers as the Trotters started the second half with only 8 players? Or maybe the development of the Trotter's Fan base IQ average?"

"Who knows? Anyway, those sneaky gits took a snotling, pumped him with hallucinogenic mushrooms, crudely dressed him as a ball and kicked him towards the amazon thrower! Armed with a ball spike, he cut through the amazon's line screaming: "I am not locked in here with you, you are locked in here with me!" and scored a touchdown!"

"I can see the Trotters using this tactic more often, Bob. Likely not with that particular snotling, though, as he jumped to the stands and started slashing fans down."

"Yeah, he managed to get pretty close to our booth before one of the Minotaur security guards caught and tamed him, right Jim?"

"Did what?"

"Tame. Isn't that a synonym of masticate? He gulped him down, spikes and all."

"Domesticate, Bob. It is a synonym of domesticate. Anyway, the amagerzons scored again just before the end of the match and with only seconds on the clock, it seemed the match was over. At that point, Ochaita the Ooligan and dozens of fans invaded the pitch, beat the referee senseless, stole his boots, stop watch and gold teeth and..."

"Maybe that's what he meant before by "going low"? Like, down the stands?"

"Ermmm. Sure, Bob. You know I never argue with you or your 600 pounds. In any case, Ochaita got the ball, got Toll to throw him down the pitch while the clock was still running,..."

"Mainly because he had the stopwatch with him while he run towards the end zone..."

"... rammed into the amazons line while... Well, what can only be described as unorthodoxly playing his windpipe, and..."

"Jim, he was fu..."

"...And he scored unimpeded as the amazons looked away in disgust! (*)."

"But, honestly, he was f..."

"What a match! "
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(*) Turn 8 OTTD. No rerolls. It was: 3+, 2+, 3+, 2+, 2+, 3+, 5+, 3+, 3+, 3+, 3+ Absolutely hilarious

Goblintrotters Statistics:
CAS+ 1 (Toll the Troll)
CAS- 2 (Crirk the pogoer and snangak)
Interceptions 1 (Snangak. Crazy, I know. All thanks to that snotling!)
MVP Toll the Troll. He beat himself denseless again on a 3d block. The crowd loves it.
Stadium: Normal
Weather: Normal
Cards: We took Magical items. Again, cool and not game breaking.
Balls: We used all of them: Spiked, Snotling, Bomb and Shady. The snotling one really helped!